Thursday, December 30, 2010

full potential

"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that."
Norman Vincent Peale

My heart has been feeling a little empty in the last few months. My cup hasn't spilled over, nor has it even been filled. Until last night, my heart has been a completely empty, dirty cup.

I could ramble on about my entire night and about my date with Nicholas. But I will spare you the chatter. As he walked me to my door last night at 12:25am, I hoped for a nice kiss, he had other plans {I've been sick for the last few days and he didn't want to get what I had, again}. So he left me with a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. The simple gesture was more than I needed. It was like the feeling of the first time holding hands. I had a feeling last night was a different kind of night.

Shortly after he left, I opened my e-mail to a lovely message from a bride-to-be, inquiring about my photography. I was so excited, I told Nic all about it. He in turn told me he had some exciting news. He'd finally decided to go on his mission.

My cup filled.

I cried and cried. For the longest time. I took several trips to the bathroom to grab tissue paper.

My first thought was, "Oh crap, this means we can't get married sooner." {How stupid, stupid, STUPID of me to be thinking that.}

Second thought was, "HE'S GOING!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!"

Third thought was, "I'm going to die from missing him! Two years is SO long!!!"

Last thought, "It's worth it, I can and will wait."

I really am so super happy for him!


Before last night, I thought it wouldn't be so bad to have an average life, working average jobs, doing average things. Honestly, I was leaning towards not caring if Nic went on a mission or not.
I used to vow that I would not end up like my older siblings {no offense, guys}, living on the edge. And I can't believe I let myself think it would be okay to stoop to that level, maybe not so severely, but it is less than I am worth. I am a daughter of God and He knows my full potential, and He helped me realize that I am worth more.

I want an adventurous life, a life full of spectacular things, the greatest job, the greatest future, a life filled with the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I won't hold myself back with an empty heart.

I missed the spirit of Christ this Christmas, but I think He was just waiting for me to be ready to listen and search for it.

I LOVE my Savior Jesus Christ, and I am grateful for the life He gave for me.
I love the gospel and all the things in it and I am blessed to be a part of it.
I know my Heavenly Father watches over me and guides me.

I said I wouldn't make a New Years Resolution, but I take that back for this one goal,
to keep my heart full of the spirit,
and keep it full no matter how hard things get.


I am blessed.
My cup runneth over.




P.S. I love my job.

No comments:

Post a Comment