Friday, July 29, 2011

please bear with my confused brain.

okay okay okay.

i'm really flaky.
in the aspect that i decide things then change my mind.


my name is sarah, and i am addicted to photography.


after i decided to "quit" and just do it as a hobby, i felt uneasy, apprehensive, and nauseous.
when i think about doing other things as a profession, i feel even more like i'm going to lose my lunch.
it seems photos literally call my name.
"sarah, give me life."

i continued to look at photos and think, "what do i like about this photo? how can i recreate it in my own way for my own clients?"
then i'd lie to myself, saying, "oh wait, i'm not doing photography as a job anymore."
just now i was perusing the inter-web and came across these lovely photographers:
i fell in love with the film-y feel of their photos
and found their online photography workshop:

i caught myself thinking "I NEED TO SIGN-UP FOR THIS!!"
then, remembering my decision, my eyes filled with tears.

this quote has kept coming to my mind all day.

why waste what God has given me?
i may not be the best at photography, but there's time to grow and improve.
patience just has to play a big part in this.


my final thoughts on the matter, is that i need to really put myself into my photos and find my niche in it.
and this is my wake up call to work even harder and do the best i can.


i ask you all to please bear with me
as i sort this all out.
and wish me a big ol' "good luck!"

until next time,

today i woke up and i found more to love

life, could you please just stop being so complicated?
i'm running away to europe.
okay, no i'm not.


my mom believes i look very similar to the character on the cover of her book.
and she had the idea to make a book trailer. meaning a short video introducing her book.
so she had me be her model.

(minus the beauty mark and a bigger nose, what do you think?)

after "filming", i got my hairs did by miss Verity.
she did a splendid job!
meh. you can't tell in the picture, but it's lighter and caramel-y
and i have bangs again. woohoo!


i really want a film camera.
preferably a Hasselblad or Leica. hehe.. just kidding.
i really would like a Nikon FM2 though.

after finishing up my last few photoshoots coming up, i may sell my camera and get the FM2 and the 50mm 1.4.
and get a digital point and shoot.
maybe save up a little and get the Fuji Finepix x100
it looks like a vintage toy camera, but it's a digital point and shoot.
it's so cute! a little expensive, but i want it.


i'm off to go do something other than sitting at the computer.
we'll see what interesting things i find to do.

au revoir.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

"pro bono", a project, and a lack of wisdom.

thinking about certain things makes me queasy.
but that's not what i'm here to talk about.


i've had an adventure these last couple years.
starting my photography inquisition,
graduating from high school,
lived in CA for a month and spent time with sweet kiddos and future sister/brother-in-law whom i love to eternity,
had a couple of different jobs,
took a year off from school.
starting a new job next week.

i guess it's not too exciting, considering there were so many more exciting things i could have done, but oh well.

however, i feel my photography adventure is coming to an end, at least doing it for money.
i really don't like doing it for money. it's becoming a chore.. actually.. it always has been.
i've always stressed about time limits, expectations, etc.
it's time i do it for me.
i will offer shoots for other people sometimes, but i want this to be more of a hobby.
which is funny, people usually want to make money from it, not the opposite.
but this is my decision.
not because of other people's criticism or choice.
because i feel it is what is right for me.


on to fun stuff:
i'm working on a rather large "project"
it included wandering around goodwill with my lovely friend alison.
in the process, we found the most beautiful shirts..
 i make super cute faces when wearing such flattering shirts.
(i wish i had evidence of alison's equally sexy shirt)
I'm sad to report, we didn't purchase these... NOT! obviously they were awful.

another part of the project included crafting with my oh-so-adorable friend haley.stew . go check out her blog to see what she made!

this part of the project is not quite finished. but when it is, i will share it. :]

i will announce what the project is soon. promise.


at my current job we have fun.. most of the time.
we got to work in Home Theater the last couple weeks.
here is burtney (brittany). "HEY! Are you recording?" no burtney.. just a picture. hehe.

last night we made the biggest screen we've ever made. 38 ft x 75-ish ft..?

 on my way to work one day i saw this man on his motorcycle who had one. single. GIGANTIC... dreadlock that went down to his buttox. and i mentally vommited. no offense, sir.


last week i had my wisdom teeth removed. i am no longer wise.
please excuse this scary picture of myself.. but who doesn't have a picture of them self after wisdom extraction?
fat face. it only lasted the first two days. and i didn't really feel any pain the whole time.

in my bored moments i painted my nails.. an ugly shade of NEON pink. on accident.. the lighting was dim when i did it.

i was also spoiled by my mom. she made me lots of mashed taters, soup, and.. smoothies.
vanilla bean ice cream, white chocolate chips, and strawberries.


i got a new job.. i start some time next week.
i will be working for Chase bank.
i get a badge with my name (and picture?) on it.


i suppose that is all the "exciting" things i have to offer for amusement.
i'm off to do important things including giving the job news to my boss. meh. and laundry.


Thursday, July 21, 2011

c'est la vie.

do you ever feel like some things just keep stepping in the way of what you think you're supposed to be doing, keeping you from reaching a goal?

every little thing keeps stopping the growth of my photography.

one: stupid technical issues {can't get the blog to run, website issues, domain transfer crap, etc.}
two: no money for equipment, especially because i constantly break rental items and have to pay for my damages because i'm clumsy and trip over things and land on my face and on the equipment.
three: {i know this one shouldn't really matter but...} rude remarks by people about my photography. or people saying i should do other things just in case if photography didn't work out. {it totally screws my confidence and hurts my feelings, and it's something hard to get over}
four: no time for photo shoots.
five: personal issues.

one moment i'm so inspired to do my best in photography. the next i want to give up.

and i really am ready to give up. at least, doing it for money.

i really don't like the pressure.
the nerves.
the time limits.
the stress.

i suppose i should talk to the Man in Charge and see what He thinks about this mess.


whatever decisions are made, i'm launching the new website tomorrow.. without the blog launch, seeing as it's not working.
i'll post the link on the facebook page tomorrow.


side note: it's funny how this happens - without even knowing i needed a friend to talk to, my lovely friend haley stewart {<--go read her blog. she's adorable and hilarious} sent me a message and cheered me up. love you haley.stew <3

i'm feeling more optimistic now.
my goal is that my next post will be 100% negative-free.
{full of fun pictures too}


p.s. i'm also considering deleting my facebook account.
meh. "c'est la vie."
at least, i'll have a life if i deactivate it.


(i went to Sedona for my first time ever. it was a gorgeous morning.)