approval.

This year has been.. an interesting one to say the least.

So many hopes. So many dreams.

So many successes. A few failures.

Too many decisions.

The idea I had when I was 13 of being an adult  was completely different than how it really is now. My mom has always said that I really did act like I was 9 going on 20, or 13 going on 30, etc.

{"An independent spirit."}

How wrong was I to wish that could really happen.

Nic and I used to say, "Let's go elope. Right now." Which one of us would respond, "We're not 18, we'd need parental approval." Of course, always as a complete joke.

Now...

I'm 18.

And it dawned on me, I can make my own decisions.

My own huge decisions.

Ones that can lead to failure. Ones that can lead to success.

{Nic and I don't plan to elope if that's what you think I'm saying. Not what I'm getting at.}

The problem is that I still think, "My parents will probably say no."

"My parents would be upset if I moved out."

"My parents would not like it if I stayed out until 1am without telling them."

"My parents would love it if I did..."

"My parents..."

You get the idea.

All my decisions are based off of my parents.

I can't do that forever.

{I'm not trying to be disrespectful, Mom. Just trying to think like an adult right now.}

I'm starting to realize that I CAN'T always make decisions on what they tell me to do.

I have to woman up and make the decisions for myself.

Whether I have their approval or not on all of my decisions,

I need to be my own person.

~

I started writing this post to announce that I am seriously considering going to school for dental hygiene. I've always loved the idea.

I've always loved going to the dentist,

I've always been interested in the medical field.

And I've always loved the idea of mostly being a mom,

and with dental hygiene, I can do it on the side-- I couple days a week, and also use it as a back-up plan in case something ever happens with photography.

I would still be doing photography, I will always do it. And it will be my second main focus. First comes family, of course.

My thoughts just kind of left the topic and started rambling.

I may not have the best grammar, but I'm so much better at expressing my feelings and thoughts in words.

And when my heart is just filling up to the brim with thoughts, I need to write.

~

One thing is for sure.

I am going to make a New Years Resolution, to not make a New Years Resolution.

Because who actually does all of their goals anyway?

My hope, is to take every day one step at a time and enjoy each day I have to live, without the pressure of having to eat a certain way, or force myself to do anything, just to be able to cross off a little phrase on a list.

~

My mind has drifted to completely off topic things.

All having nothing to do with each other, so I'm headed off to a glorious day of living, loving, and finding things to gift people with for Christmas.

Maybe I'll enjoy the lovely day with a beautiful bike-ride on my snazzy purple beach cruiser.

~

Have a gorgeous Tuesday.

Auf Wiedersehen<3