Tuesday, January 5, 2010


do you ever feel like your the worst person in the world?
and everything you say... everything you do hurts someone's feelings...?
and you feel like this life is too long... and the day seriously feels like a lifetime.. because there's been so much going on...
good and bad...
happy and horrible.

like i said on facebook.... "i am pretty much the worst friend ever... don't try to be my friend. i will probably hurt your feelings somehow.."

i am not a very nice person.
i don't like people...
i become obsessed with someone's flaws and they go down on my scale of friendship...
just because of one little thing they do...
which is my major flaw... called "the jerk.factor"

i call that one guy "the Jerk" when really... it's me who is the horrible person.

no i'm not writing this so anyone will feel sorry for me.. because you shouldn't. by any means.
i'm writing it to help me find myself.
just discovering more about myself than i wanted to know.

 i want to be that girl that everyone thinks "oh, she's so nice. she's someone i want to be friends with"
but i feel like i just can't yet... until i search a little harder in my soul..
and figure out the things i really want.
i know that may seem like it has nothing to do with me being a hurtful person,
but it does to me. it feels like it has everything to do with it.

today is just full of

i'm going to bed.
mozart, please don't bark so much tonight or i will have to find something to kill you with.
i don't want a repeat of last night's sleep routine.



p.s. don't comment saying "sarah, you're not a jerk" and stuff...
that's what people tend to do and it doesn't really help.
sorry... :[

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