full potential

"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that."

Norman Vincent Peale

My heart has been feeling a little empty in the last few months. My cup hasn't spilled over, nor has it even been filled. Until last night, my heart has been a completely empty, dirty cup.

I could ramble on about my entire night and about my date with Nicholas. But I will spare you the chatter. As he walked me to my door last night at 12:25am, I hoped for a nice kiss, he had other plans {I've been sick for the last few days and he didn't want to get what I had, again}. So he left me with a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. The simple gesture was more than I needed. It was like the feeling of the first time holding hands. I had a feeling last night was a different kind of night.

Shortly after he left, I opened my e-mail to a lovely message from a bride-to-be, inquiring about my photography. I was so excited, I told Nic all about it. He in turn told me he had some exciting news. He'd finally decided to go on his mission.

My cup filled.

I cried and cried. For the longest time. I took several trips to the bathroom to grab tissue paper.

My first thought was, "Oh crap, this means we can't get married sooner." {How stupid, stupid, STUPID of me to be thinking that.}

Second thought was, "HE'S GOING!!! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!"

Third thought was, "I'm going to die from missing him! Two years is SO long!!!"

Last thought, "It's worth it, I can and will wait."

I really am so super happy for him!

~

Before last night, I thought it wouldn't be so bad to have an average life, working average jobs, doing average things. Honestly, I was leaning towards not caring if Nic went on a mission or not.

I used to vow that I would not end up like my older siblings {no offense, guys}, living on the edge. And I can't believe I let myself think it would be okay to stoop to that level, maybe not so severely, but it is less than I am worth. I am a daughter of God and He knows my full potential, and He helped me realize that I am worth more.

I want an adventurous life, a life full of spectacular things, the greatest job, the greatest future, a life filled with the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I won't hold myself back with an empty heart.

I missed the spirit of Christ this Christmas, but I think He was just waiting for me to be ready to listen and search for it.

I LOVE my Savior Jesus Christ, and I am grateful for the life He gave for me.

I love the gospel and all the things in it and I am blessed to be a part of it.

I know my Heavenly Father watches over me and guides me.

I said I wouldn't make a New Years Resolution, but I take that back for this one goal,

to keep my heart full of the spirit,

and keep it full no matter how hard things get.

~

I am blessed.

My cup runneth over.

~

Arrivederci

~

P.S. I love my job.

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approval.

This year has been.. an interesting one to say the least.

So many hopes. So many dreams.

So many successes. A few failures.

Too many decisions.

The idea I had when I was 13 of being an adult  was completely different than how it really is now. My mom has always said that I really did act like I was 9 going on 20, or 13 going on 30, etc.

{"An independent spirit."}

How wrong was I to wish that could really happen.

Nic and I used to say, "Let's go elope. Right now." Which one of us would respond, "We're not 18, we'd need parental approval." Of course, always as a complete joke.

Now...

I'm 18.

And it dawned on me, I can make my own decisions.

My own huge decisions.

Ones that can lead to failure. Ones that can lead to success.

{Nic and I don't plan to elope if that's what you think I'm saying. Not what I'm getting at.}

The problem is that I still think, "My parents will probably say no."

"My parents would be upset if I moved out."

"My parents would not like it if I stayed out until 1am without telling them."

"My parents would love it if I did..."

"My parents..."

You get the idea.

All my decisions are based off of my parents.

I can't do that forever.

{I'm not trying to be disrespectful, Mom. Just trying to think like an adult right now.}

I'm starting to realize that I CAN'T always make decisions on what they tell me to do.

I have to woman up and make the decisions for myself.

Whether I have their approval or not on all of my decisions,

I need to be my own person.

~

I started writing this post to announce that I am seriously considering going to school for dental hygiene. I've always loved the idea.

I've always loved going to the dentist,

I've always been interested in the medical field.

And I've always loved the idea of mostly being a mom,

and with dental hygiene, I can do it on the side-- I couple days a week, and also use it as a back-up plan in case something ever happens with photography.

I would still be doing photography, I will always do it. And it will be my second main focus. First comes family, of course.

My thoughts just kind of left the topic and started rambling.

I may not have the best grammar, but I'm so much better at expressing my feelings and thoughts in words.

And when my heart is just filling up to the brim with thoughts, I need to write.

~

One thing is for sure.

I am going to make a New Years Resolution, to not make a New Years Resolution.

Because who actually does all of their goals anyway?

My hope, is to take every day one step at a time and enjoy each day I have to live, without the pressure of having to eat a certain way, or force myself to do anything, just to be able to cross off a little phrase on a list.

~

My mind has drifted to completely off topic things.

All having nothing to do with each other, so I'm headed off to a glorious day of living, loving, and finding things to gift people with for Christmas.

Maybe I'll enjoy the lovely day with a beautiful bike-ride on my snazzy purple beach cruiser.

~

Have a gorgeous Tuesday.

Auf Wiedersehen<3

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stranger.

I will not explain what has been going on as of late.
But I will say this:
I feel like a stranger in my own home.
I am uncomfortable {to say the least} living here.
Purely uncomfortable.

Anyone have a spot open for a roommate?

Sigh.

~

Nic took me on a date last night.
Beforehand we had this conversation over text:

Nic: "I got your Christmas present. I hope you'll use it a lot. It's big and it cost $98."

Me: "Great, just what I need, something else to fit into my room. I'm sure I'll love it."

"Oh you will. It's a really cool purple.. Can you guess it yet?"

"A Barney costume? I don't know. Haha."

Then at almost 9pm {Yes, we are forced to go on dates that late because of his work.}

He shows up with a purple beach cruiser.

I am SO excited about this.

I have been wanting a beach cruiser forever.

He's the best.

Then we head off to San Tan.

On the way he mentions, "That's not your Christmas Present, by the way."

"WHAT?? Then what was it?"

"Just because."

Basically he spoils me.

And I don't deserve it.

We went shopping for a little. Then went to see the new Narnia. Which is basically wonderful!

Seriously, the best of them so far.

I cried {as usual}.

Nic laughed at me {as usual}.

It's a pretty usual scene at any movie for us. :]

I love our dates because we love to laugh together.

And we do nothing but laugh the entire time.

Boy, do I love that man.

~

I'm almost caught up on editing and everything from this year. So excited to start next year!
Here's a picture from what I've been working on {and just finished last night!}

It's time for church.

Au revoir.

a little {or a lot} of a daydream.

Today started as crap.
So much for not causing drama.
Went better.
Went okay.
Went pretty well.
Got a parking ticket.
Went awful.
Had a breakdown.
Looked up apartment prices and locations...
Considered being homeless. {not}
Bawled my eyes out.
Decided I won't say much out loud today.
Not in the mood to speak.
Thought about the future wedding.

I think I'd prefer a small backyard wedding,
Preferably the last couple days in November or the first week in Dec.
When the sun sets the earliest.
A beautiful, simple elegant dress,
DIY chic decor.
First a luncheon with the closest friends/relatives.
Consisting of bread-bowl broccoli cheese coup, baked potato soup, etc. Hot chocolate, apple cider, etc. Other yummy winter-y foods.
Then a come and go afternoon reception.
With little "before-dinner" munchies for the guests.
Small, quaint, intimate.
Romantic and fun dancing, no "fist-pumping" crap.
With the party ending by 7, in time to leave in our goodbye outfits,
to head off to a nice romantic dinner with Nicholas.
And off to the honeymoon.

I want it to be classy, vintage chic.

Sounds like a perfect wedding to me.
But one thing has to be expensive..
The photography.
I don't care if my wedding might be small.. I have to have pictures I will absolutely love.


Wedding inspirations:

And my most favorite dress. Ever:

Okay. I'll stop drooling now.

pet peeves, revised.

So this was written out in a long, evil rant of mine, written in the form of.. Something not nice.
But I decided my mom would be upset with me for saying some of the things I said..
So I will just give you my list of a couple pet peeves, in hopes of getting my point across.

~

un - drama
deux - sharing my clothes, shoes, and other personal items
trois - back stabbers
quatre - when all that comes out of someone's mouth is "whine whine whine. wah wah wah." simply put, complainers.
cinq - two-faced people.
six - suffocating {I mean that figuratively} from lack of personal space. I have a bubble, and I'm not just talking about how close someone could be standing to me..
sept - a certain word, that if I hear again, I will break a jaw or slit a tongue.

~

I really wish I could say what I originally wrote,
but alas, I hate drama, and I don't want to be the cause of it.
even though this may be pushing it too..

With one last comment, relating to the above pet peeve list, I want to move out. I'm not even joking. And it's not because of my parents. Heavenly Father, bless their souls. They are the most wonderful parents ever, on the truth.

With much annoyance, frustration, and break downs,
Sarah

~

I know. I have been complaining a lot too lately. But in a real life conversation, how often do I whine about the same things over and over? {Okay, Nic, Besides when I talk to you.}