the blog topic always shifts to him.

so last night i had been kind of feeling not so good. not only am i sick, but i felt.. depressed again.
i don't know how to explain how i felt.. but like, it feels like nicholas was ignoring me.. or that.. i don't know. i won't even try to explain it because i'm over exaggerating. as always.

but i was talking to one of my friends, and he was talking about how his girlfriend is so perfect for him, and how it feels like they're already married, even though they're not. but he was talking about how much he loves her and how she loves him. it was so cute and it made me realize again how much i love nic.

"i'm sorry i couldn't come. i'll come see you tomorrow ok. i'll stay with you as long as you want."

"are you sure about that?"

"yes. why?"

"i might ask you to stay forever."

"okay. haha. i might do it."

"would you really?"

"yes, of course."

"hmm... could you handle me for that long?"

"huh. yes. why do you ask?"

"because i'm moody and selfish and needy. and not that good of a person"

"you are a good person. but the rest is true. but you need to go to sleep."

"hah. thanks... that's a confidence booster.... good night. i love you"

"i love you too. goodnight"

he makes me laugh. i can be so mad at him, but in one minute, he can turn my mood around.
i was telling cassidi hastings, that he's so goofy, he can get out of anything. his goofyness gets him out of trouble with me. and it's probably a good thing. if he didn't do something to change my attitude, i'd be mad at him for a long time. that's another reason why we're good for eachother. some guys would just keep me pissed off and do other things to make me even more mad. but it's not like that with nic. and i love it. :]

for valentine's day we went up to giesela to go hiking, but the trail was closed so we went a little past payson and played in the snow. i wish i would've gotten pictures of us.. hopefully i can get the ones morgan took. but here's one of nicholas that i got. :]



i love this boy. he's so cute.

he came over for a little bit today. i'm glad he did because i really needed it. he gave me the best hug i've had in a long time.
well, i'm craving ice cream. either dad is going to have to get off his butt and get it because i'm sick, or i'll just go myself and get all of the walmart staff sick. hah.
goodbye.

Time to make a change

i've realized recently that i'm really growing up.
i'm still a little crazy at times, but that's what comes from being a teenage girl.
but as in physicality and realizing my purpose, i've grown so much. just in 3 years, look at the changes:




i'm starting to feel like i'm becoming one of the girls i used to look up to for seeming so intelligent and older.
and i've realized that i really need to prepare myself more spiritually to become a mother, since that's my overall goal in life--to be a successful mother. i can't wait to have kids! that's the thing i'm looking forward to the most in my life.
but i feel like the way i'm living now, will keep me from reaching that goal.
everyday i will make an effort to better myself for my future home and family.
and someday soon i can feel worthy to go through the temple and get married. :]

i've come up with some plans for the future and the summer.

1st part of the plan: get dad to let me be Nic's aunt's babysitter for the summer. that way i'll be making a bit of money each week. she said about $100 a week for 3 days. so that's pretty good. it'll help me earn money for my camera.

2nd part: train to be a lifeguard (that starts this month and/or in march.) and be a lifeguard at a pool over the summer too. which will earn me about $200-ish a week.

3rd part: at the end of the summer, or if i make enough money for it before then, buy my camera.

4th part: start taking pictures for people and stuff and getting experience.

5th part: take photography classes, apply for colleges, go through my senior year and live life to the fullest, repent, become a better person. and hopefully finish my personal progress within the next year and a half.

6th part: continue planning. haha.

that's the gist of it. but anywho. i stayed home from school today. which feels great. but not. i always get stuck at the computer ALL day! and i never change out of my pj's on sick days.

well, valentine's day is in 2 days. nic and i, and morgan and kelsey, and jessica and drew, are all going to the zoo, then jessica and drew, and me and nic, are all dressing up for dinner and going to PF Changs. i'm excited. but i feel bad because it's so expensive!!
i'll post pictures though after the date. :]

i'm going to play with photoshop now.
photoshop=love.